


Midnight Prayers

by songofhell



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 18:13:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11190591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songofhell/pseuds/songofhell
Summary: Sam knew that he could never have Castiel, but that didn't stop him from thinking about the angel he loved in the still of the night. He never thought about the power behind those thoughts, though, and what might happen if he really concentrated on them.





	Midnight Prayers

Most of the time, hunting was a distraction. It was a good way for Sam to forget about the hell he had been through – both the figurative and the literal – and focus instead on saving lives. It didn’t always work out that way, though.

Of course, he never regretted going on a hunt – as long as he was able to save at least one person’s life, it was worth it. But hunting wasn’t always the distraction Sam needed it to be. Sometimes it was just the opposite – a hunt would spark something in him, making him think about some aspect of his life and compare it to what he was facing. Those were the hunts that took the greatest tole on him. And it was one of those hunts that he had just come back from.

There hadn’t been anything that made it a particularly tough case – on the contrary, it had been fairly cut and dry. What had gotten to Sam was the couple he had saved. He had been the one who ended up staying behind to protect them while Dean had run down a lead, so he had ended up getting to know them fairly well. And it hadn’t taken Sam long to see the similarities between himself and the girl, Logan. She had been dating her boyfriend, Steve, for a few months, and the near-death situation that they had survived prompted her, as it often did to people, to be completely honest with him.

_“If we get out of this…” Logan took a deep breath. “You deserve better than me.”_

_Steve rolled his eyes. “Well, you know I think you deserve better than me.”_

_“No. Stop that. I’m not saying it as in, ‘you’re so great, you can surely do better,’ I mean you are such a better person than I am!”_

_He frowned, shaking his head. “That’s not true.”_

_“Yes, it is. I… I haven’t told you a lot about my past because I was scared that if you saw the kind of person I really was, you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore. But that’s not fair to you. You deserve to be with someone as good as you are.”_

It had been painful for Sam to watch, not just because of the pain that the young couple was clearly feeling, but because everything Logan said were thoughts that Sam had had about himself and Castiel. The difference was, Logan and Steve managed to work everything out, but Sam knew it was pointless to even try with Castiel.

From the moment he met the angel, Sam had been awestruck. Some part of him had already begun to fall for him, but he hadn’t realized what was happening until he had fallen for him completely and it was too late to go back. He couldn’t believe his stupidity – he had fallen for an angel. He – the boy with the demon blood – the last person on the planet that an angel could ever love.

Of course, things had changed between him and Castiel over the years. Now, he supposed Castiel did love him in his own way, but he knew that he would still never be loved in the same way he loved him. So, he had to carry on pretending with his best friend, could never admit the words that wanted to burst forth from his lips – _Castiel, I love you. And I know I’m not worthy of even that, let alone of receiving your love in return. But I can’t help it. I can’t not love you. And maybe I’ll go to Hell for that, but I’ve made my peace with it. It’s okay, because I had you in my life. And I can never tell you any of this because, if I did, I would lose you – and I don’t think I could handle that._

He laid back on his bed with a sigh. It was for the best, really. Having Castiel as a friend was better than nothing.

He was just starting to doze off when there was a knock at his door.

“Yeah?” he called, pushing himself up to a sitting position.

“Sam?” Castiel inquired softly as he pushed the door open and stepped inside. “Did I wake you?”

“No, you’re good. What’s up, Cas?”

“I…” His gaze shifted around hesitantly. “I am not certain that you meant to, but you prayed to me.”

Sam blinked in surprise. Prayed to him? When had he…? Oh. He could feel the blood rushing up to his cheeks. “Wh-what did you hear?”

Castiel walked slowly over and took a seat on the edge of the bed. “Sam,” he spoke his name firmly and deliberately as he looked him in the eyes. “You should never think that you are not worthy of my love.”

If Sam wasn’t red before, he was definitely red now. “Uh, Cas – I, uh…”

“Had I known of your feelings for me,” he continued. “I would have told you much sooner, but I was always certain that you saw me only as a friend. However, the truth is that I love you, too.”

His jaw dropped. “Cas, you… you surely don’t…”

“I do, Sam. There is no one stronger, or braver, or more inspiring than you. How could anyone be expected to not fall in love with you?”

“But… I’m not,” Sam sighed. “You know how much I’ve messed up in the past.”

“Yes, and how spectacularly you have come back from those mistakes. You never give up, Sam, no matter how much the odds are stacked against you. You have beaten circumstances that no one should be able to survive, and you have come out all the stronger for it. You inspire me every day, and I only wish that I could be as good of a person as you are.”

“Cas, you are. You’re better than me.”

Castiel shook his head. “You have saved the world, Sam. And what have I done?”

“I wouldn’t have been able to do any of what I did without you.”

He gave him a small smile. “In that case… maybe we should be together.”

Sam returned the smile hesitantly. “You mean that?” he checked.

“Of course.”

His eyes flickered down to Castiel’s lips, and in a surge of bravery, he leaned in for a kiss. Castiel kissed him back without hesitation, his arms coming up to rest on Sam’s waist.

Sam would never be able to believe that he was worthy of Castiel, but perhaps one day he would stop questioning it. One day he would be able to accept the angel’s love for him and enjoy it for what it was. And sure, it would take some time to get there, but he was guaranteed to enjoy the journey, so long as he had Castiel by his side.


End file.
